being the good.

it’s very popular right now. do good. be the good. be kind. these sayings are small but pack a punch of wisdom. while i love these phrases and what they stand for, i fear that i haven’t spent as much time as i should have contemplating what they mean for me.

the last few months i have had several experiences that have stopped me and had me reflecting on what is happening in my life in reference to my efforts to share kindness and how it is being received in my life.

with all the kids in school all day this year i have had the chance to substitute teach at their school. it gives me a chance to pretend to be a teacher, haha, and see my kids during their day. a little nugget into their worlds from 8:30-3:30. i have taught kindergarten thru high school. it’s been a new challenge that i have enjoyed doing a handful of times. i especially enjoy the new perspectives i gain. each time i sub, my love for my own children multiples. i see what they deal with on the daily – the crazy kids, the expectations … it can be exhausting. i am always so grateful for who they are, even more so. i want to hug them more tightly after school and really know how they are. cause i know i am EXHAUSTED when i am done. i also gain deeper appreciations for their teachers. we have been so very blessed with the best. they are true super heroes. i also love to spend time with all these students. so many kids are struggling, some seem to struggle silently, others not so much. i really do enjoy the chance to learn from them. so many amazing souls out there!

a couple of weeks ago i subbed for our beloved music/orchestra teacher. the kind of teacher the kids all adore because she is just awesome, so kind, supportive and she believes in them. harrison loves the violin like never before this year and we are so grateful.

subbing for her allowed the chance for several different classes to come into the class room. they were all filled with lots of energy, ya feel?  a couple of classes we ended in meditation because phew i was tired and i know there were some quieter ones who needed that time too. one class there had been a couple of kids in particular who really struggled showing respect and listening. towards the end of class i noted that they were together, looking at me and pointing, then drawing, then laughing. i had seen them not be as kind as they should have been to others in the class and reminded them what values our school teaches and expects.  now it was at me and this was a newer feeling. i sat there for a minute and watched. a couple of other kids could see what was happening. and i thought “are they really laughing at me?” like mocking me? have you had that happen before? it’s awful and i wanted to scoop up any kid would had ever felt that way and squeeze them and tell them how loved they are.

i walked around the class room looking for a missing rubber band and trying to be all jason bourne to notice what was being drawn – hoping it wasn’t what i was suspecting. i walked by them, saw the drawing they were trying to erase. swiftly picked it up and held it in my arms. the artist immediately replied to my action “i didn’t do anything THAT bad”.

i went back to the teacher desk, turned off the meditation, excused the class to go to recess and asked the artist and friend to come with me to the principal. the thought that kept running thru my mind was, “if they feel this okay with treating an adult this way, i can’t even imagine what they feel okay with doing to their peers”.

i texted will and said “i’ve been bullied by a ____ grader” part in shock, part trying to not laugh and mostly just so sad that this is reality for so many.  too many.  it got me thinking about so much.

bullying is real. it isn’t a right of passage. it’s isn’t part of growing up. it isn’t acceptable. it is damaging. it is wrong. it is happening every day. my kids have all experienced some kind of unkind behavior at some point. and my kids go to an awesome school. a school where values are taught and supported. even there, bullying is real. what i found so sad was when i talked with my kids about this – they each had stories to tell. stories of things people had done that weren’t kind but they just brushed off. say what? no brushing off. stand up for yourself, remove yourself from those negative sources from your life. we have a choice to make – no matter our backgrounds – to be the good or not. clearly this artist is having some struggles…as hard as it may be they need our kindess. the ones who cause the pain and the hurt, need kindness too.

the following day i picked up my kids and was handed a thick stack of beautifully hand drawn cards from the entire class. i was so surprised and excited to read each one. i did however want to talk with the teacher about it just so she knew it wasn’t so much a class problem and briefly chat about it. she taught me a very important lesson, another perspective. she shared that one of the cowboy ethics they learn is about representing the brand with integrity. that while not everyone drew that picture or laughed at me, no one else stood up for what was right. no one else said to stop. she said we are all in this together and they know that. it’s up to everyone to support each other in making those right choices. I LOVE THIS. i now understood why the whole class took the time to draw beautiful art, share messages of thanks and apologies. none of us are perfect, we make mistakes and hopefully learn and improve because of them. that’s the beauty of it. lessons in kindness, integrity and forgiving are available for all, i am sure.

while this little experience struck many conversations with my family, one of the reoccurring themes we talked about, was being a good friend and surrounding yourself with good friends. we can be a good friend to someone who isn’t one to us. that’s not the healthiest option when there are so many out there who want to be a good friend. life is too short to invest in those who don’t see your value. we can share kindness with everyone though, no matter the friendship status. and everyone needs kindness. i have found that most the time people genuinely want to be good – good to others, good enough with their efforts, just good. but for those who we struggle with, with seeing their good – there must be a reason. maybe they haven’t been on the receiving end of kindness for so long, they aren’t sure how to share it and sometimes all the kindness in the world can’t fix that. but it certainly doesn’t hurt to try …  keep that dialogue open in your families, i imagine if my kids had stories i had never heard, yours might too.

being the good can look a bit different for everyone, but the result is the same.

doing good makes life so good.